In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.
So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
my liver is dry heaving
Randomize
