...so i touched it.
she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
Randomize
