Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
just saw an advertisement for the rock in the tooth fairy...can you say rock bottom?
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
I ran into cvs barefoot with my belt undone and shirt buttoned wrong and didn't even have to ask. The guy working pointed and said "they're back there."
That's how I look going for the pbr.
I went with plan f. get drunk and start a fire in my yard
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
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