U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
The assignment was about the Industrial Revolution so I just screamed at them in a British accent all day. No, they didn't know I was hungover.
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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