I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
Was it cool?
About as cool as only getting a handjob on your honeymoon.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
She told me I was lying in front of her toilet for an hour saying "lasers."
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
At least I know that however bad my life gets and how low I can feel I'll never feel shitting in a red robin parking lot low
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
Randomize
