I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
