My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
Randomize
