I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
So hungover. I dropped my keys and leaning over seemed a terrible idea. Instead I took my shoe off in the middle of the street and use my toes to pick them up. Think I'm a genius.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
Ate a slug for 39 dollars
I wouldn't expect anything less from a PhD student
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
He told us when he was 10 he started shoving bars of soap up his ass for pleasure so i winked at him
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