Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
My mother just asked me if i ever swallow the goods...should i be concerned?
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
I decided to do drugs in front of her because if anyone can handle the truth it's a ghost
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I just got the high sucked out of me. Fuck.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
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