Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
