but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
As a female I reserve the right to put my ipod in my cleavage because I have no pockets and not get judged by other girls right??
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I was his one phone call from jail and I hung up on him. He's fine though were gonna go to a party now.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
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