my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I barely even remember him. He is just a distant beard in my past.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
Why am I the only one golf clapping for the vomiting girl on the train who just fell of her seat into her own vomit
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
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