You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
Rain ponchos don't count as shirts at the bar. FYI.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Just did a keg stand the dropped my phone in the toilet. Sorry for partying.
You did a keg stand on the toilet?!
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
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