Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Just saw a couple chasing each other on lawn mowers. Oh South Knoxville.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
Randomize
