oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
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