you win again, gameday.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Again??? Now we can't ever fucking go there again STOP PEEING IN FOYERS
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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