I'm at derby!
The kentucky derby! But its night time, theres no way the horses are awake at this time.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I'm sick of being the only unemployed member of the group. Doing things alone isn't partying. Its sad.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
Randomize
