For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
right now I am washing the alcohol and shame off from last night
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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