my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
In either case, seeing now as it's basically two couples, unless we're planning to have a good old fashion orgy I think this isn't going to work out so well.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
No more co-pays for contraceptives. Whoever says Obama is a bad guy has clearly never had a pregnancy scare.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
Randomize
