you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
She ate the cookie then went to the emergency room. Now her fam is pressing charges. Don't people understand you DON'T steal baked goods from potheads??
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Well after last night I am convinced he is real life Tyler Durden. He only exists to me and somehow keeps me out of jail this entire time
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
I just want a man in my bed on a regular basis, who cuddles, and who I can also occasionally hang out with outside of my bedroom. Is that too much to ask for?
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