I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
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im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
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Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout