spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
i think i scared a bird with my dick
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
i just got drunk dialed and its 10am. clearly finals are over.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.