I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
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