Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
I just saw the nastiest chick.
woke up next to her... fuck you jack daniels, fuck you
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When u wake up, don't be alarmed by the passed out mariachi band, they're cool. Muchos gracias
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
Accidentally hit on the same girl twice at the bar, she give me her number both times though so I think its cool.
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Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up