my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
These 25 People Had Very Inappropriate Sexual Relations(hips)
this year's halloween challenge: make audrey hepburn go from classy to slutty drunk
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
These 31 People Are Lazier Than You Could Ever Imagine
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me