Don't make out with my wife yet
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
HEAR YE, HEAR YE! BY ROYAL DECREE, I WILL BE KNOCKING ON YOUR DOOR AT 2PM UNLESS YOU GET THE FUCK UP. IT'S 1:50. CIGARETTE TIME, BITCH. I LOVE YOU.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.