I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
found: crazy homeless guy quoting Quagmire lines to every chick he sees. i think i win the scavenger hunt.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
I woke up in a boat, with a life jacket on, tons of beer cans and no lake... I was inside a garage. WTF
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