Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
