Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Fuck me I smell like cheese
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
He said my vagina smelled like pomegranates. Its like my vagina is the fountain of youth.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
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