According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
she genuinely believed that kangaroos are a cross between a deer and a T-rex
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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