Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
I found an inside smoking lounge. I'll be here for the next 4 hours. A nice old Canadian lady has befriended me and let me use her lighter. Fuck Hartsfield-Jackson AND this layover. I win.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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