i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I'm love that we're talking about a possible 3rd 3some, and that you're going to be a dad.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I'm running on 2 hours of sleep. Just spent 6 minutes staring at the back of my hand thinking: "I don't really know this that well"
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Randomize
