Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
I'd go lesbian for $50 and a good phone case.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
Randomize
