i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remind me to tell you how I've been deaf since Sunday at 1245
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
