Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
They are pre-gaming a trip to congress...not sure how politically correct the group is.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
He was eating her out on the elevator. What a good man.
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
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