Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
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