Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
Seeing the pictures of him and i, I'm giving whiskey the win on this one. Definitely had beer goggles.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
We fucked on a kid's slide, my vagina is singing praises of being used
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
Abby there's no shame in reading porn. It takes more work than watching I suppose
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
