That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
for real. if he messaged me that i'd have made his penis cower in a corner.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
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