Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
sleeping like a two year old who chased ambien with a bottle of whiskey.
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I'm waiting for your stupid pizza and this 400 lb drunk man is behind me singing the acapella version of Elevation by U2
Randomize
