I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
Mother nature decided I wasn't going to be a whore today. Fuck her.
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
That was the gentlest I've ever been bitten in the face by a dog
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
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