I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
I'm not saying he's gay. Just that he prob knows what a dick tastes like
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
You made everyone who was on the patio sit on the floor and join your "ship" because you were the Captain. It was cool though. You let me be your 1st Mate.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
This juggling 3 dicks is getting exhausting
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
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