Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
i meant to type that i went to that party for shits and giggles, but my phone corrected me and said for shots and goggles...either one works
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
I just let my boss bend me over his desk and spank me. I think that is some sort of American dream.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
Randomize
