I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
Don't be the guy that has his dick out at work.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Remind me to do laundry tomorrow so i have something decent to take off when i get laid.
Randomize
