i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
i just remembered last night waiting for you to pick me up wearing my bra on my head to protect me from the rain
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She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
There's a guy in a life size dick costume, and two guys with white shirts that are each half if a pair of breasts in a red bra lol. They came separate but when they saw each other there was some titty fucking in the street, it's only 11
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
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I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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