At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
In college, I had one standard. Penis. A lot has changed since then. Now I really only have one standard. Breathing.
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
You know you're sufficiently drunk when the 411 dude just says, "Fuck it! I'll Google that shit for you, what movie do you want to see?" and proceeds to give you showtimes for 3 different theatres.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize