I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
Randomize
