I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
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I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
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I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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