I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
