Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
We have a tower of vodka coming. OF VODKA
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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