I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Randomize
