whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
She always used to joke about becoming a stripper. WHO'S FUNNY NOW?!
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
