so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
That was an excessively violent trivia night
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Would it be totally wrong, that in honor of princess leias death, I role played as her??
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Randomize
