Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
i think he just uses that whole "grew up in a castle" thing to get pussy
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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