The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I can't ever look his wife in the eye again. She will see right through my soul to his dick pic.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
