I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
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