I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
