Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Tostitos scoops are the best shotglasses ever. Eat it after as a chaser.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
You SHOULD feel empty, we were at the top of our game, and by that i mean snorting things we don't understand and only a few steps away from adultery.
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I'm laying in my house looking at chocolate pudding drip from the ceiling onto my partially erect penis... Yay for shrooms!
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
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