one word: firstdatebathroomanal
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
The air was thick with penises
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Got kicked out of the club and woke up at a frat house. Good night? Couldn't tell you. I got a date out of it I'm glad someone thinks my drinking problem is cute.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
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