from now on my penis is your penis
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
These fuzzy pants work great for sleeping, taking an exam, getting baked and watching the hobbit. I guess i'm not changing pants for 72 hours.
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
your life is going to be an empowering working mom montage tomorrow to Katy P's ROAR... --are you living in a yoplaít comercial?
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
