He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
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You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
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