we've reached the level in our friendship where i don't think he would rape me
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
Randomize
