It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
you rubbed the head of my dick and said "I shall call you Squishy and you shall be mine and you shall be my Squishy."
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
