i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
I'm not sure how to explain it, but I feel like our penises have a connection. Like long lost brothers. We're not even gay.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
