Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
Hypothetical question: If I threw up in the dishwasher do I clean it up or just turn it on? :(
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
It was the textbook our-balls-touched-while-engaged-in-a-threesome-with-our-bosses-wife conversation.
It amazes and alarms me I'm not shocked to read that.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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