A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
Randomize