I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I woke up with my earring stuck inbetween my tits. Somehow you fucked my earring out and my boobs saved it. I'm pretty impressed with both of us right now.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
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