Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
She is still out of it but keeps saying ur name she said to tell u dinosaurs aren't real but biscuit with a z made bad choices
Its not that hard to understand he's my holiday boyfriend, we ignore each other most of the year except on holidays when I give him head
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